I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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