got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
