you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
