I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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