the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
