turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize