airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
