i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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