Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I need moral support for this bender
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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