Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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