Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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