do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize