you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i think i have two assholes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
