mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
