sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
