I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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