he wants to bone in the snuggie
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize