I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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