I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
