i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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