i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
