Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
