Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My ATM looks so different sober.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
