he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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