She's JV to your varsity
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
