At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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