none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize