Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
