I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
