You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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