Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
