you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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