That's when you crack a 10am beer
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Randomize
