sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
