my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
