I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
