Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
