So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
