Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
