i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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