And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
