xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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