peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize