Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm just crazy horny about you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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