Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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