I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
