And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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