Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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