It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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