What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
