So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
