So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
