no, he came in my armpit
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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