Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
