just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
