I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
