Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
They have beer where we have blood.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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