Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
