I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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