after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
