We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
