The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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