And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
