I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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