I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
