Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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