Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
