First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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