bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
