when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize