What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
