If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
