Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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