i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
