CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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