I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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