did you get engaged???
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
