as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
