Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just threw up on my dentist
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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