im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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