Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize