Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
