Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
