Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
