I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
