i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
