Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
