haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
