Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
