We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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