and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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