I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
