I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
