If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize