handjob tips. give me some.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You're a waste of cheezeits
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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