what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
