maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
