I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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