yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
