I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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