Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You need a sexual gate keeper
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
