brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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