I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
