Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
