Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
